It's spreadin' just like the flu, and it's an affliction everyone can and should have! Just visit
Pandora if you don't believe me, or read on...
They say the first step to recovery is to acknowledge the problem. Here are my notes from the first Pandoraholics meeting I attended.
Let me know if these words help you. Feel free to share them, or tell your own story. We'll listen, and you'll feel better. ;-)
"Hello (tap, tap, tap), is this thing on? Uh, well...
[Brief pause, fumbling noises]
"Good evening everyone, my name is Paul, and I'm an admitted Pandoraholic.
My life was on a terrible downward spiral, until I stumbled on
Pandora.
It was a gloomy day, and I was surfing the net when I found Pandora. In minutes my head-ache was gone, and I was able to face my
Suicidal Tendencies head-on.
The Cramps were back, but I knew it wasn't time for me to wave the
Black Flag, not just yet at least... I could not believe how good it was to be able to listen to all my favorite
Jam and a be a part of something big. I was addicted. It was full of
G. Love & Special Sauce.
I had seen others succumb to their addiction to Pandora, and those folks were
Grateful Dead, even though I think it was the
Phish that did them in.
I had a friend
3 Doors Down who was also searching for
The Cure, but he moved to
Linkin' Park and I haven't seen him since -- he left
the Doors wide open, and just could not control his
Rage Against the Machine. He was living with
Warren Zevon,
Lynyrd Skynyrd,
Angelique Kidjo and
The Wu-Tang Clan. I guess we were just bunch of
Circle Jerks like so many other
Misfits,
PIXIES (
4AD Records) or
Butthole Surfers, out of control and all hopped-up on
REEF, and
Seven Dust...
His problem was
Bad Brains -- he was a real
Audioslave, you know, a
Radiohead. I think it even affected his
Offspring. After awhile, it all became a
Blur, and nothing more than
Garbage. I felt like just another
TOOL going around and around in
A Perfect Circle. It was all a real
System of a Down, I felt
Rancid -- even my
Hoobastank, and I'm sure it even would have affected
U2.
All my clothes were
Staind after falling in a
Puddle of Mudd I felt like a
Twisted Sister, but I was able to get my
Motörhead above those
Muddy Waters, but I had
Faith No More. Yep, it was pure
Fear alright, a
Minor Threat, and even putting on a
Helmet or an
Agnostic Front wouldn't help for more than a
Dag Nasty 7 Seconds.
I was still driving my old
Chevelle, and stuck in
Traffic. In those days,
the Cars were the only way to get to the
Soundgarden to
Groovasaurus on that
Collective Soul. For years I wished I could buy one of those
Fabulous Thunderbirds or a
Fabulosos Cadillacs like my friends
Lil' Kim,
Lou Reed or
Jimi Hendrix had. I didn't have the
50-cent for
The Subways and no
Cash for a
Placebo so I would just let out a
Primal Scream to try and feel like I was part of the
Human League...
I would be
Ash long before getting to an
Oasis, never mind trying to reach
Nirvana. I was on my way to
Jimmie's Chicken Shack to buy some
Vanilla Fudge and since I couldn't sleep I just kept
Counting Crows (not only
Black Crowes).
Who and what was it that made
Boyz 2 Men anyway, I
Stevie Wonder? Was I going to have to climb the
Mountain? Maybe it was just
Pieces of a Dream, or just another one of
The Temptations,
No Doubt?
Maybe my
Moody Blues had gone to a
Deep Purple? I wasn't like the
Allman Brothers,
The Righteous Brothers, the
Everly Brothers, or even
The Chemical Brothers who only ate
Red Hot Chili Peppers -- to me that was for
The Birds.
I was surely in
Dire Straits. Stuck in
The Velvet Underground with no way to ever reach
ZZ Top. I was once a
Prince dating
Queen Latifah and now just another one of
The Drifters like
Marilyn Manson and so many other
Animals. I found myself at a
Creedence Clearwater Revival eating
Meat Loaf when it hit me,
Wham! I said
A-ha, I'll just have a bowl of
Black Eyed Peas, a heaping plate of
KoRn, and a mug of
Hot Chocolate and join the
Culture Club.
That was the
Genesis. I was no longer a
Foreigner. It was the
Rites of Spring and I knew
The Clash was coming to an end -- no more
Three Dog Night's for me. I had
The the answer -- no more
Tears for Fears or
The Germs, I wasn't just another
Supertramp listening to a bunch of
Talking Heads. I was on a
Journey beyond
Kansas Toto with a bad case of
Flaming Lips... I couldn't get a ticket on the
Jefferson Airplane so I got
the Kinks out and used my
Wings to get back to
Boston.
Once there, I figured I'd plug a few computer wires into the
AC/DC outlet and call
The Police.
The Doobie Brothers showed-up instead, and together we loaded-up up Pandora and knew it wasn't just another
Cheap Trick.
I hope my story has helped some of you folks out there to realize we're not just a bunch of
Monkees and Pandoraholism is real -- it just isn't common enough -- but you need to know you're not alone. You have a chance, not like all those old
Weezer's who didn't live here in
America.
I'm probably listening right now. Someday we'll all be
Free. Thanks for letting me tell my story.
Peace & love."
- paul, loyal fan and self-proclaimed Pandoraholic
pandora.com/people/ptamaro
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